How to build resolve?
This post defines 7 steps to build resolve.
6/1/20265 min read
Resolve is the ability to keep moving forward despite discomfort, pain, resistance, uncertainty, or inconvenience. Resolve doesn't arise from motivation. It comes from proving to yourself, time and again, that your actions are stronger than your feelings. That despite what the world is telling you and the obstacles you face, you have the strength and courage to keep moving forward. You commit to a cause and execute on what you say.
Resolve is built through conflict. When forces collide, something new emerges. It's like forging a sword. Hammer meets iron, and a shape emerges. Through the relentless practice a sword is formed. Resolve comes when comfort faces growth. When courage overcomes fear. When future reward is prioritized over present pleasure. When commitment trumps emotions. Conflict creates the opportunity for resolve to emerge.
1) Keep Your Promises
The first step to build resolve is simple. Keep the promises you make to yourself. Every time you tell yourself that you will do something. Execute on it. Deliver on what you say. That action builds your resolve muscle. If you say you will go to the gym tomorrow. Then do it. When you follow through, even on the little things, it strengthens you.
The power of neuroplasticity is that you strengthen the pathways in your brain that you repeatedly build. So when you stay true to what you say then your brain learns to trust that. It tells the story that you are a man (person) of your word. When you say something, it gets done.
Resolve is not confidence. Confidence is telling yourself, "I think I can". Resolve is "I do what I said I would do." There is a difference. One is just a belief. The other is a commitment.
2) Do difficult things
Most people don't want to run when the weather turns. 50 km winds, pouring rain, lightning flashing, and you can barely see the path in front of you. Would you still be out there training? People tend to stop when it gets uncomfortable. They quit when the conditions aren't "just right". When pain signals them to stop. They lack resolve.
Resolve grows when we choose to voluntarily do difficult things. When, despite the discomfort, we decide to face it head-on. I love to hike and climb mountains. Not just for the views but the practice of doing difficult things. When you push through a difficult workout, or make another sales call after rejection, or wake up when the alarm rings rather than hitting snooze, your resolve builds. The price of pursuit is suffering.
You choose to do the difficult thing. Your mind and body recognize that. And it strengthens that message and trust in yourself. That you do what you say. Your nervous system learns that discomfort is not an emergency. And you steel your mind to your inner bitch that just wants to be comfortable and cozy.
Growth comes from discomfort. Voluntarily doing difficult things builds your resolve. The magic is to suffer for meaning. This is a powerful lesson.
3) You need a "Why"
Willpower is weak. Sometimes you're unmotivated. Sometimes you just feel like shit. So we need something stronger. Not just a push towards it but a pull. Purpose pulls you forward.
The woman trying to lose 20 pounds because she "should" usually quits. But the woman trying to get healthy so she can be a better parent keeps going. Purpose propels her forward. A mission bigger than herself. Her emotions might wax and wane. But she reminds herself of her "why" and she soldiers forward. Resolve trumps willpower and purpose feeds her.
2 questions to build your resolve:
What am I unwilling to tolerate anymore?
What future am I trying to create?
4) Don't negotiate with your inner bitch.
Resistance is the enemy. Steven Pressfield coined the term "resistance" in his book The War of Art. Resistance is any force that distracts, dissuades, or sabotages our efforts to do the work. People turn a decision into a debate. It becomes a "Should I?" When it needs to be "It's what I do."
People with the greatest resolve have fewer internal discussions. Look at the late great Kobe Bryant. He didn't debate to himself if he should practice at 4 a.m. every morning. It wasn't a discussion. It's just what he did. He made the decision and followed through on it.
You decide. Then execute. Period. No wasting energy on debating it in your own mind. No debate. No vote. No mental power required. Just do it.
5) Emotions are temporary
Often, people unconsciously believe, "If I feel discouraged, I should stop." They let their emotions guide their actions. They allow their emotions to impact their decisions. Yet, people with resolve process emotions differently. They understand that "They feel discouraged right now." Those aren't the same.
Experience with detachment. That's different. You can feel one way yet learn to act another. The feeling is information. Not instruction. Emotions are like the weather. Sometimes it's sunny; other times it's a snowstorm. But they continue to march forward. Resolve is the direction you're walking.
6) Survive Adversity
Deep resolve comes from overcoming obstacles. Life is not easy. Everyone has moments where life punches you in the face. We all experience failure, rejection, loss, and betrayal. Some people take it to heart. Those setbacks destroy them. They dramatize the hurts and losses. They see the setbacks of life as world-ending. Their souls are on fire and there's no water in sight. They struggle to see, let alone grow past obstacles.
But if they learn from those experiences, then they grow and something extraordinary happens. Their resolve grows exponentially. They learn that they can handle more. That they are stronger than they knew. Once you build up your resolve, then you start to look forward to those huge life setbacks. Because you've already gained wisdom. The wisdom of knowing that no matter how bad it gets, there will always be an upside.
Deep resolve comes from overcoming obstacles. Once you've experienced hardships and survived them, future challenges become far less intimidating.
7) Build Evidence
How does god work? If you pray to be courageous, does god zap you and you become courageous? Or does he allow you to be courageous? If you pray to be closer to your family, does god just make it so? Or does he give you the opportunity to become closer to them?
Most people say, "I want to be disciplined." But they should be asking, "What would a disciplined person do today?" Then do that. Resolve grows in the same way. Accumulated evidence that compounds into something greater. The opportunities are all there in front of you. It's up to you to make the choice. Allowing your actions to create the evidence.
It starts with one workout. One call. One difficult conversation. One promise kept. Thousands of small actions become an identity. Compounding until it becomes a reality. Are you who you say you are? Every promise you keep to yourself becomes evidence. Every broken promise becomes doubt. Choose where your evidence stands.
Building resolve comes down to keeping the promises you make. Doing what you say you will. When you voluntarily choose to do difficult things, that resolve muscle builds. Meaning will pull you forward when your emotions and motivations falter. Resistance will always be the enemy. Once you commit to a decision, don't negotiate with yourself. It's no longer a debate. Emotions will come and go like the weather. Some days you'll be motivated other days you won't be. But you learn to move forward. And when those big life setbacks come, you know you have the strength to overcome them. Because you've already shown yourself what your capable of. You don't lie to yourself because your confidence comes from evidence. Resolute in the path you walk. Keep moving forward. You got this!